Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Sparkle*s Museum of Patriarchal Sexual Oddities~Now Supplies Free Sick Bags

My friend Mary K* who often posts under the mysterious guise of anon, yoo hoo-its me- and other various espionage type
secret coded comments wrote me regarding issuing sick/vomit/barff/spew bags at entry point to the museum. Hey, man! What a truly fantastic idea! Preventing nasty puddles of the inevitable projectile vomit at sight of patriarchal oddities. She also had some fantastic ideas for all you activists out there, well the ones who are past the “eee na I’d feel lika reet divvy**” so read on…

“The sick bags are actually a necessity now and something I carry around at
the present time, what with all the playboy crap for little girls on sale, and
the prolific visibility of lad's mags etc - now there is an activism idea if I
ever thought of one - I will make an obvious gesture of defiance one day in
front of the lad's mags sections, using some sort of bag, and make really loud
retching noises for all to see/hear, whilst heaving into my handy bag! I am
getting braver and braver these days“

So go on…the sick bag…the latest trend in activism!

Please excuse the crappy prototype for the barff bag, but as Sparkle* has spent her entire life (aye since a was 3 years old) as a healthcare professional, these paint shop thingies leave her needing technophobratron therapy. What would you rather have? a designer barff bag, or errr feeling safe with a mad Geordie woman health care professional... Exactly!

*Geordie slang for-Oh no I would feel silly.

** Mary K is a friend


Anonymous fairy said...

Pleased about the sick bags, but they weren’t really an option…were they? Just as well, you were advised before any nasty accidents :-o

10:23 pm  
Blogger sparkleMatrix said...

Mmmm yes just as well, quick thinking anon. Fairy I'm pleased that I have been averted from not having billious splooges on my floor

If anyone reads this are they having probs posting pics to blogspot?

10:30 pm  
Blogger stormcloud said...

I like the idea of sick-bags at the rows and rows and rows of LM shelves.

I've often thought of standing behind some guy at the check out and yelling something like "pervert alert" followed by whoop-whoop-whoop noises.

A gal can dream ...

10:59 pm  
Blogger sparkleMatrix said...

Hi Storm Cloud and welcome, I have made plenty *fuss* in newsagents, but haven’t actually done the sick bags yet…..maybe if there were enough of us? :)

12:00 am  
Blogger stormcloud said...

Hi Sparkle, thanks, happy to visit.

Having worked in the evil empire of media and marketing most of my life, I now intend to use 'my powers' for 'Good'! (read: sisterhood)

I have been thinking up various subversive strategies, most border(?!) on the illegal. Can't have the sisters in jail..

Two variations on the one idea of stuffing flyers into magazines on the racks. A covert operation for sure. Target LMs. Target non-LMs. The targetting of non-LMs like "Mother & Baby" etc would say "Did you know that the publishers of this magazine also publish (Nuts, Zoo, etc)?" I don't think this one is illegal, but shop owners certainly won't like it much!

Like you, I have approached retailers in a civil and educative manner. Result: Porn-1, Stormcloud-0. My local Co-op still sells the Sport directly below teen mags and comics. And that, I can only suggest, is patriarchy shoving porn down our collective throats and brainwashing the next gen.

Anyways, I see you have moved off to Wordpress. Comments weren't enabled on this thread over there, so have left it here.

10:31 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh to hell with skirting around the issue - have "porn sick bag" printed in large letters on the bags in case of any doubt.

Mary K - (getting braver about my identity heheh.)

11:00 am  
Blogger sparkleMatrix said...

SC I didn’t know about the mother&baby mags !!!! Been the same sort of company. Putting leaflets in is a deffo, just I need a printer cable. My co-op’s the same with the Sport (spew)


There feel a bit better now. Getting a printer cable probbo next week and I have a mate who’s well up for a ramble round the LM stand.

Mary K pleased your out of your anno phase…take your credit with a bow when you inspire me!

6:51 pm  
Blogger stormcloud said...

Hi Sparkle:
For the mag-stuffing, I have compiled a list of LM's publishers/editors/parent co's etc and will email them to you (then you only need to click onto the parent website, and view the other 'brands' (titles) that they proudly produce).

In targeting a title like M&B, play up on the child angle (after all, they are obsessed with the little sprogs).

I have yet to think of good wording or approach for LM stuffing. If it is confrontational, they will ignore it. Think it is better to be educational, and convert the ones who 'don't realise'.

Another subversive idea is to do a sticker campaign. This one, sadly is illegal (would come under vandalism/graffiti), but WTF. This is possibly an out-of-hours thing, and make sure there are no cameras.

Sticker campaign: Target retailers. Stickers have messages like "THIS STORE PROUDLY SELLS PORNOGRAPHY" will send you an example (you are free to blog-post it). Don't put too many on the store (just 1 or 2). Will be more effective for corner stores. Main aim is to get the retailer thinking about what they are selling, and how 'half' their customers feel. Repeat blitz once initial stickers have been removed.. basically until they get the fucking hint!

Yours in subversive sisterhood..

8:14 am  
Blogger sparkleMatrix said...

This is all sounding very good SC. I will wear me hoodie for the out of hour’s stickering. :-) Alternatively, maybe me gardening hat if it is warm. My local Newsagents sells loads of porn...I might post a pic of them with your "THIS STORE PROUDLY SELLS PORNOGRAPHY as a title. No one will know them, but it will make me feel better. My ex even used to comment the amount of porn in the shop used to make him feel uneasy. I know this has been said many times, but why should we be greeted with spread legs and open mouths (gagging for cock apparently) and “hole” talk on the cover of mags, when we go to buy a pint of milk. IN ADDITION, I am sick of these pics on the covers of LM with pseudo lesbian poses of breasts touching.

Oh well had a nice little rant there, and send me those addys via email and any suggestions for stuffers
BTW, comments now working on Wordpress hu fucking ray!!
Cheeriest sparkle*sista

9:13 am  
Blogger stormcloud said...

Glad to incite riot, Sparkle, happy to be of that service!

The prominent display of LM/porn in shops can only, only, be, "... patriarchy shoving porn down our collective throats and brainwashing the next gen." because, seriously, are retailers that stupid not to recognise 'adult' content and keep it discrete? Fuckers.

12:27 pm  
Blogger sparkleMatrix said...

I'm saving these in a folder for further use.
Cheers sista

2:04 pm  
Blogger simply wondered said...

love it all - more arff than barff!
good luck with the campaign, (interesting to target the 'acceptable' stablemates to lad mags etc - particularly if mother and baby type) but don't wear a hoody - that bastard Cameron will probably hug you - mind you, assuming that you don't take crap (just a guess...) I would like to see what happened if he did.

11:00 am  

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